


Burning House

by kaelyngrey



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter RPF
Genre: Angst, Death, F/M, Gen, Past Relationships, Self Harm, blame, no happy ending, posession, self blame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-05 03:46:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14035479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaelyngrey/pseuds/kaelyngrey
Summary: Kaelyn Grey had loved Seamus Finnegan since first they met at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  She loved him without thought, or reserve.  Through all of the trials, and heartaches, and betrayal, she loved him with no end.  But when her end came at the hands of something Seamus had done, she loved him even more.





	Burning House

**Author's Note:**

> Notes. Ugh. Where to begin. This story is inspired by SEVERAL things. 
> 
> "Burning House" by Cam for one. 
> 
> An AMAZING RPG forum that took place on fanfiction.net many years ago for another.
> 
> The complex and convoluted character that was Seamus Finnegan in this RPG. Faults and all he was an amazing creature.
> 
> The Gold-Blood Realm that my dear friend and creator of said forum, Steffes, created and made Seamus a part of.
> 
> 19, the most vile, convoluted, conniving, twisted, sick character I have ever encountered. Truly terrifying. Truly.

  

I dreamed of 19 last night.

I have no idea why.

You and I haven't spoken in ages.

Maybe I dreamed of  **you**.

Maybe this time  **I**  was 19.

Gale was there.  Dean too.  But he's been right there with us since this whole thing began has he not?

The details are a bit fuzzy now but...everything was on fire, and we were lost. You were screaming at us to move, to get out of the house as it fell around us but...all I could help thinking was that I was finally home.  That the flames were where I belonged.  The heat and the chaos were my family.  Weird isn't it?

I guess this my punishment then.  I got tired of playing second fiddle...of never being good enough to get us all through to the end, and so I killed you first, and the goddess of chaos offered me a deal.  Your eternally damned soul, no regrets, for one last chance to get it right.  I would have a chance at happily ever after with someone I didn't know, and you would burn in the gold blood realm for the next hundred years.

It sounds SO SIMPLE, doesn't it?

It's not.

I didn't get my happily ever after.  And now I never will.  Augustine died two weeks ago.  He had an aggressive form of brain cancer and...by the time we found it...

Time was all we had left.

Not even time enough for a hastily thrown together wedding.

Now I am doomed to walk this earth alone for the rest of eternity.  All because I was too wrapped up in myself to see that I was wrong too.

I never once got over my fears.  I never once truly tried to make us work.  I know we could have.  If not for me.

* * *

Remember when we were ten feet tall and bullet proof?  When we would stay wasted for days just to get the pain to stop?  When we made a pact to leave this world together?

I do.

I remember it  **every day**.

'You shouldn't have told me no," you said with a sneer as you gave a cruel laugh and turned to walk away.

You're right.  I should have gotten over myself...before it got to where we are now.

Now you are free and I am forever doomed because I went to that wicked temptress and told her I wanted to cancel my end of the deal we had made.  That you deserved to be free, and I deserved to be trapped in hell.

 _I am in hell_.

I see you with her and I think of what the two of us could have been...if only I was different.

* * *

I dreamed about the house again.

This time it was only you and I.  Still trapped.

I told you I would never be good for you.  That all I was was a poisonous leech...but you never would listen to me.  I don't know why.

I pulled you close.  Held you so tight I wondered if you could breathe...and prayed to any god above that would listen to take you from this certain death and keep you safe.  Keep you alive.  You deserve to live, Seamus.  You deserve a long and happy life with a beautiful wife and precious children.  A few close friends and a job that gives you a sense of satisfaction.  You deserve few worries and many rewards.  You deserve to see how perfect you really are.  How much you mean to the world in which you live.

* * *

"Marry her, Seamus," I said to you in the middle of the pouring rain.

You and Kayla had had a knock down drag out fight, and you had left.

"Go back, and  _tell her_  you are SORRY and  **marry her**!" I pleaded.

"I don't want to!" you screamed.

I couldn't tell if the water streaming down your face was rain drops or tears.

"Please---"

It's all I had.  I had no strength left to fight you.

"I won't keep you here," I said softly.

"I won't let you live this life."

I had given everything up for you, because a long time ago, you did the same for me.

"I l---"

"Don't!" I spat, the venom heavy in my voice.

"You  **can't**  love me!  I won't let you!"

My insides were on fire.  I was a sacrificial pyre and it was time to bow down to the gods that I served.  The spiteful, evil. vindictive devils that they were.

"Forget about me," I forced myself to say.

"Forget you ever knew me.  Forget anything you ever felt for me.  Go back to Kayla and tell her you are sorry.  It is time for you to move on.  I'll even give you a ring.  An early wedding present if you will."

19 was coming for me and he was fighting hard to break free.  Him and I both knew what he REALLY wanted.

You.

"Please!" I whispered in agony.

"I...I can't hold on...19."

"What?" you asked in wide eyed surprise.

"19," I whispered.

"He's...he's coming..."

"No..." you breathed.

"Get your happily ever after," I begged as my insides began to combust.

"Go be free."

"Kaelyn..."

"Go!" I screamed.

"Get away from me!"

It hurt.  By the gods did it hurt.  It was a pain I had never in my entire existence felt, and I wondered briefly how you fought through it as many times as you did.

"Seamusssss...." I hissed as I hit my knees.

These were definitely tears.  On your face, and on mine.

"I love you Seamus..."

And as I watched you fall to the ground in defeats, I ended this millenia long fight on my terms, not even feeling the pain of the knife shoved in my chest.  I knew that you were free, and I would not be suffered on this world for another hundred years.

* * *

  _Flames are getting bigger now_

_In this burning house_

_I can hold on to you somehow_

_In this burning house_

_Oh and I don't wanna wake up_

_In this burning house_

**Author's Note:**

> Now that you have read the story I have a history lesson for you based on the fiction within.
> 
> 19 (our villian) is not a real person or character but a demon from another realm that possesses their target, convincing them that they are worthless and that they need to die, or that others around them are out to get them and that it would be best to make the decision on which party needs to be terminated. 19 speaks evil into existence, tears families and friendships apart, and condemns circles of people to eternally walk this planet, or burn in the Gold Blood Realm for 100 years.
> 
> The Gold Blood Realm is an empty void where the only sense you have is sound. Here in this hell you can hear the screaming of the other prisoners, and here, for 100 years, you will relive every memory of every lifetime that brought you here. You will be tormented with images of your friends and family happy, and healthy, and whole, moving forward without the burden that you were in their lives. You will be convinced that you are the sole reason they are unhappy, and you will be made various offers to end their pain by succumbing to your own.
> 
> Essentially 19 is mental illness, and the Gold Blood Realm is the thoughts and struggles that keep one trapped within their own mind.
> 
> As someone who has battled, and continues to battle mental illness, I hope that anyone who reads this story knows that it is okay to reach out for help. To tell your family and friends that it is not okay. I hope you have people to support you. It cannot rain all the time, and if you need someone, my inbox is always open. 
> 
> Remember that you are wanted. You are loved. You are valued. You are appreciated. You are important. YOU ARE DOING SO WELL!!!


End file.
